"I was never going to end in flowers and roses for me. I was always going to die centuries after you, whether you stayed or went. And whatever you might think of me? I'm not so selfish as to want to watch you rot instead of becoming the great man you were so obviously meant to be."
The Cat King paces in a circle, ears back, agitated and upset.
"I want..."
Putting his feelings, his real feelings, into words has never been easy.
"I want... to be the Cat King my Court deserves. My Goddess deserves. And I want... to feel anything but fear and loneliness and misery. And I want... to be yours. And you to be mine. And I cannot be all of those things."
Those words hit him like a blade in his heart. His lungs hurt. His whole body hurts. He feels like he's drowning as the water roars in his ears.
He gives nothing away outwardly, but he does move from the chair to the floor and sits, legs crossed. One hand reaches out for CK.
"You were always mine and I was always yours. And I am - sorry. About Sokie. I didn't realize how deep I was until I could not claw my way out. But I would choose you over her. If you would allow me to make my own fucking choices."
"You stupid fool," he mutters, pulling him up against his chest. "I have no qualms with that. I never did. I may have my fun here. I may allow myself to feel for others, but I want to find a way for you to happily come with me. Only you."
"And if I cannot? If I never graduate, if I can never find a way to be both a Cat King and yours?" He presses himself close to Iago, breathing him in. Still shaking.
"That isn't a possibility we need to think of now," he points out, fingers
in his fur. "Right now, I want you back home. You and the court. There is
no point in giving up before we have even started the fight."
He snorts. "I intend on doing that anyway. Once I have spent time in my new position, I have my eye on my warden's job. And the only way to secure it is to ensure he can no longer claim it," he laughs and stands up, balancing CK in his arms as he has for months.
Well. The Cat King isn't convinced that Iago's plans will all work. That he'll ever be able to leave his home in a capacity that leaves him still... himself.
But he can pretend again. Make the emptiness of his life feel a little more distant for a while.
But he isn't taking that as a definite answer. Not after those words.
"And I love you," he admits, voice trembling just a little. Then the walls come down and he's back out in the corridor, back out in public because only CK is privy to his true feelings right now.
"You need a moment of rest and I need to study. I think I may be able to focus better now."
"I believe you this time. I'm sorry I didn't before." He wants to believe, anyway. Maybe real belief will come later. Maybe he'll be someone worthy of love, by then.
"And I promise to rest only if I can stay in your lap."
"I have been without you for weeks, tesoro. I will insist."
He doesn't know if he can forgive him everything just yet. Iago has never been good with forgiveness. But he wants to try, at least.
"My warden has given me piles of work, new assignments, as punishment for - well, being selfish. So I spend much of my time studying. It would be good to have company now."
"Well... good." If it were anyone else, he might rankle at the insisting. But it's not anyone else. It's Iago. And... he likes demands from Iago more than he ever thought possible.
"Rest, then. But I get to insist when it's time for dinner."
There's a moment of hesitation. He knows what he's going to look like if he changes now.
But... it's Iago.
With a sigh, bracing himself for a lecture or worse, pity, he jumps down from Iago's arm and changes as he hits the floor.
It's him, all right, wearing blacks and muted reds. There's circles under his eyes, and a hollowness to his cheeks. His hair is less artfully tousled and more just... tangled, and a little greasy-looking.
He is a striking contrast to Iago, who has rebounded from his Death Toll and is filled out and fit. His hair is done and his clothes are fitted, but he doesn't seem to notice. He just crosses the room anyway and wraps his arms around him.
Just another piece of evidence, in the Cat King's eyes, that Iago will be fine without him, one day. It's a comfort. A hollow one.
He stands stiff for a moment, as Iago embraces him, then melts against him with a soft whimper. His hands come up, clinging to Iago like he's a lifeline.
He can't cry as a cat. Which is one big reason he's avoided changing form lately.
Iago has not been okay. He has not been fine. He has been a wreck in his own way, getting caught in his own lies. Like some sort of stupid spider tangled in her own web. He has kept his outward appearance perfect because it is the only thing he felt he could control. He lied so much that his warden had to intervene.
He was not okay, and he still isn't. But holding onto CK like this is helping. His fingers dig into him as he clings to him in return.
The Cat King draws in a shaky breath, trying to spare himself the indignity of raw, ugly feelings when he's put so much effort into only letting people see the curated, performative emotions if he wants to share them at all.
"I was... scared. You're changing in ways I can't. I thought... leaving would hurt less than being left behind." And maybe it would. Maybe he's setting himself up to be hurt worse, now. But he can't stay away.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 04:49 pm (UTC)"What do you want?" he wonders. "Take out your desires to be humble and selfless. Take out your fear. What do you want?"
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:10 pm (UTC)"I want..."
Putting his feelings, his real feelings, into words has never been easy.
"I want... to be the Cat King my Court deserves. My Goddess deserves. And I want... to feel anything but fear and loneliness and misery. And I want... to be yours. And you to be mine. And I cannot be all of those things."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:14 pm (UTC)He gives nothing away outwardly, but he does move from the chair to the floor and sits, legs crossed. One hand reaches out for CK.
"You were always mine and I was always yours. And I am - sorry. About Sokie. I didn't realize how deep I was until I could not claw my way out. But I would choose you over her. If you would allow me to make my own fucking choices."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:27 pm (UTC)"I have nothing to offer you but myself."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:48 pm (UTC)"That isn't a possibility we need to think of now," he points out, fingers in his fur. "Right now, I want you back home. You and the court. There is no point in giving up before we have even started the fight."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 06:07 pm (UTC)But he can pretend again. Make the emptiness of his life feel a little more distant for a while.
"I love you."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 06:10 pm (UTC)Maybe it won't work. Maybe it can't.
But he isn't taking that as a definite answer. Not after those words.
"And I love you," he admits, voice trembling just a little. Then the walls come down and he's back out in the corridor, back out in public because only CK is privy to his true feelings right now.
"You need a moment of rest and I need to study. I think I may be able to focus better now."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 08:00 pm (UTC)"And I promise to rest only if I can stay in your lap."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 08:26 pm (UTC)He doesn't know if he can forgive him everything just yet. Iago has never been good with forgiveness. But he wants to try, at least.
"My warden has given me piles of work, new assignments, as punishment for - well, being selfish. So I spend much of my time studying. It would be good to have company now."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 08:49 pm (UTC)"Rest, then. But I get to insist when it's time for dinner."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-27 09:00 pm (UTC)He presses the button for the elevator and takes them inside. "You have not been caring for yourself."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 12:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 12:28 pm (UTC)"Let me pamper you, highness," he mutters. "That should help. Was the flood so terrible?"
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 02:38 pm (UTC)"I got the hunger of one of our resident vampire. For days. It was miserable."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 02:40 pm (UTC)He unlocks his door and hurries inside. "Change for me?"
If he doesn't get his hands on his human form, hold him, then he might scream.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 03:04 pm (UTC)But... it's Iago.
With a sigh, bracing himself for a lecture or worse, pity, he jumps down from Iago's arm and changes as he hits the floor.
It's him, all right, wearing blacks and muted reds. There's circles under his eyes, and a hollowness to his cheeks. His hair is less artfully tousled and more just... tangled, and a little greasy-looking.
No, he hasn't been taking care of himself.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 03:06 pm (UTC)"You stupid, stupid King," he murmurs in his ear.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 06:55 pm (UTC)He stands stiff for a moment, as Iago embraces him, then melts against him with a soft whimper. His hands come up, clinging to Iago like he's a lifeline.
He can't cry as a cat. Which is one big reason he's avoided changing form lately.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-28 06:59 pm (UTC)He was not okay, and he still isn't. But holding onto CK like this is helping. His fingers dig into him as he clings to him in return.
"I am sorry I hurt you," he says honestly.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-30 06:20 pm (UTC)"I was... scared. You're changing in ways I can't. I thought... leaving would hurt less than being left behind." And maybe it would. Maybe he's setting himself up to be hurt worse, now. But he can't stay away.
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